Tuesday, November 26, 2013

the most awaited day...

11/16/2013

My work schedule is nothing less than insane recently.  When I thought things will settle down, everything is going from bad to worse with all the chaos at work.  Over the last few days, I am spending my free time learning Adobe Lightroom5 and editing some of my pics.. I have been away from writing and didn't feel like scribbling anything new..  I am looking forward to meeting "the very special one" on Saturday.  I don't know what "we have to talk in depth" or "I'll tell you some things in person" means.  With an engagement party and a concert in the evening, I am getting ready for an action packed Saturday.  Even though I got this unexpected text from her last Friday, I was completely out of focus due to the issues going on with my work.  But it did bring a smile on my face, something very genuine missing from my face for weeks now.  This suspense kills me and I feel like I'm at a knife point, waiting for something to happen. I don't know what the topics are and what I am going to hear, but I have decided to keep myself calm and listen. I don't know whether I want to elaborate to her anything, about what happened over the last one month or so.. Looking back, it's been a crazy few weeks and I never had my mind go out of control like this before, all over the place, in shambles..

11/23/2013

I am known among my friend circles for being someone who is always happy, fooling around with my silly jokes but surprisingly today was really stressful.  I got out of my bed early this morning with a bad headache. Couple of pills and some extra sleep didn't help much.  So instead of crawling in the bed I decided to get ready for the evening.  I don't know how I end up getting a head-ache every time I am around her.  My first stop for the day was Chaska, a city few miles away from my apartment, to attend the engagement party of the very beautiful couple, David & Angela.  I didn't want to skip that even though my mind was in a confused state.  David has turned out to be one of the most amazing friends I have met in a long time.  Someone who understood my feelings, someone who sensed what was going on, someone who stopped me and asked "How I am doing?".. I ended up talking a lot with him, especially about my past.  At times, I feel like, I am pouring a lot of myself onto him but he has always showed the patience to listen to me.  For that friendship, for that brotherly warmth, I wanted to make sure I go attend the engagement party.

For me, nothing is more beautiful in this world, than seeing a room full of beautiful smiling faces, talking to each other, sharing stories and spreading joy.  After spending some amazing time and eating some delicious food, I said good bye to everyone in the house, to go see "the very special one". (I later came to know that few of my friends at the party noticed that I am completely out of mood).  Those last moments were like preparing for the most important meeting of my life, something that I was looking forward to for the last one month.  The build up to this was really crazy and the anticipation whether I am actually going to meet her or not, was the most demanding part of it.  The excitement died down while I was driving the long stretch of 32 miles from Chaska to St. Paul.  It was an overwhelming struggle inside me thinking about all the details that she would tell me, what went wrong, where it all broke down.

I parked my car and walked towards the restaurant where she was waiting for me.  I felt a chill within me which I am sure was not because of the -13 °C temperature outside.  I walked up to the door of that Mediterranean cafe, Shish, opened it and looked around but couldn't find her (let me tell you one thing, this cafe has an amazing ambiance and I still don't have a clue how she picks up such spots).  Just when I was about to dial the number, I noticed her.  I don't know how it happens and why it happens, but my mood changed so quickly.  All the happiness that had disappeared from me, the smile that went away, everything was back on, just like that.

I forgot most of the things that I wanted to tell her. Whatever I told her, it was all in bits and pieces.  I struggled to put together my words, I felt like my sentences made no sense.  I asked her about what happened and it was heartbreaking to see her explain study related struggles with tears.  What I don't understand is, why she thinks I will be unable to help her out.  I think she lacks some moral support which I am pretty sure, I will be able to provide only if she allows me to.  The whole time, I sat there listening to her, looking at her beautiful face - I just forget my worries every time I do that.  That's a magic only a beautiful woman can provide.  I had nothing to contradict, just like our past there was no argument or fight, we just spoke.. More than anything, I was just happy that I met her again, her presence drags me to a whole new level of happiness..

She was all tears and I sat there giving her napkins, making vain attempts to cheer her up.  That tears always told me a story, gave me an indication of what is going through her mind.  I can see she still has the same love for me but she is putting up a courageous face, that eyes, they never lie to me.  I just wanted to make it clear that I still love her and I have no plans to forget her.  This is a painful part, but I am ready to deal with it because I am experiencing it for the first time, and for all the good aspects, I will let it roll.. I just wanted to make it a point that, I have nothing to prove to her.  I always gave my best to her, my intention was to make her smile and I treated her well whenever she was around me.  I always asked and listened to her opinion..

When I told her about the concert, she agreed to join me.  That hug during the concert, I know what it means.  Like the concerts I recently attended, I was not into the music but instead was standing there thinking about her the whole time.  I took her back to the place where she wanted to go and said good bye.  But I said it my way, the way she always loved.  For the person she is, beautiful inside and out, I really hope she gets better at managing her study balance and wish everything gets back to normal for her. I will wait for another moment to hear her magical voice, to see her gorgeous smile, until then back to my world, dealing with my monkey mind, my random thoughts!!

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