Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Motivation?

I was dumbstruck when I saw my annual review - by the way year 2013 ended and how things have been going for the last 5-6 months, I didn't expect a miracle to happen in my life.  Due to some reason, I feel extremely sad and disappointed tonight so like always, I thought of taking refuge in here - that virtual world which was always there to listen to my loud cry.  I shouldn't be actually sad tonight, I watched an amazing band called "Yellow Ostrich" but somehow a lot of thoughts going through my mind.  Plan is to do whatever I love to do, whatever I want to do - I am keeping up with this small plan of mine in my own humble ways but somehow there is quite a lot of motivation that I am lacking.. search is on but for how long is an intriguing question..


After spending a considerable amount of time at work last year, most of which I remember and quite a lot which I don't even remember, I learned it was not "enough" and was not up to expectations. No one explains this "enough" factor.  It is always wrapped up in an enigmatic capsule which is locked and sealed, hidden somewhere far away. Those responsible for explaining me the reasons, somehow, is playing a mysterious hide & seek game. Me, I didn't even bother asking about the reasons or any sort of explanation.  The "ego avatar" inside me, decided to take it on myself and deal it on my own rather than going for meaningless conversations where I will be told about factors which I will keep writing onto my head.. I don't think it is worth it, so decision was to hold myself back from having a discussion.  Apparently, I was told that I am a very negative person something which surprised me,  something which I heard for the first time, something which messed up my thoughts for days. I don't know where this is going to end, but there will be light at the end of this dark tunnel - if not, I am going to create one which will lead me further!

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